Satirical: Can’t handle the truth, Tom
A nice witty hypothetical on what the studio might have said to Tom Cruise, courtesy Sydney columnist, Peter Fitzsimons in today’s Sun Herald (Sunday paper in Sydney):
“Son we live in a world that has profits, and those profits have to be made by films that bring people in.
Whose gonna do it? You? Lieutenant Kaffee? I live with a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the artistic integrity of Mission Impossible III, and you curse Brook Shield’s postnatal depression. You have that luxury.
You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Oprah’s couch, while inviting, made you look like a ditz. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, is at least more meaningful than L Ron Hubbard’s.
You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you don’t want to talk about good box-office receipts, you think we should keep paying you a fortune anyway!
We use words like budget, profits and bottom line. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent running a profitable studio. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to the man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very studio I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it, especially after Mission Impossible III bombed.
I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a camera, and make your own damn films. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!”
Yes, I know, somewhat a departure from all things political that is usually the focus here, but I think many people saw this as a much needed reality check for pampered pooch Hollywood stars who usually earn astronomical sums, and I just found it funny …
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